FTO AUSTRALIA

Ten things to make Formula One better


1 Large piles of cardboard boxes to be left at random points on the circuit like in Starsky and Hutch

2 Two men carrying a large sheet of glass or a piano to cross the track at regular intervals during the race

3 Races to start with the drivers leaping into their cars from an outside fire escape

4 All circuits to feature a level crossing and a thundering Amtrak-style goods train

5 Vampires. Hugely fashionable these days, F1 would clearly benefit from the odd pale-faced bloodsucker (What d'you mean, 'Like Bernie Ecclestone'?)

6 All circuits to feature at least one busy intersection which the drivers must cross while the light is on red

7 All circuits to feature at least one unfinished fly-over and/or bridge

8 Direction of race to be altered at least twice at random intervals leading to handbrake turns, dead stops, collisions with pursuing police vehicles

9 Zombies ? well known to improve any game

10 F1 cars to be followed by a gradually increasing number of police vehicles and a helicopter from which a Texan state trooper in mirrored shades shouts through a megaphone

I reckon F1 needs a plash of 'Australianism'

1. Random 40kph speed zones at 5 min intervals.

2. Roads as good as sydney, but not the outskirts, that's to lavish

3. EPA giving on the spot fines at random to the odd driver for having their exhaust levels exceed the national dB limit.

4. New 'safety cams' in rendom spots, with the last speed limit sign you saw at the begining of the track

5. Some red light cameras to go along with #4.

6. Occasional RBT, with 1 or 2 drivers needing to be pulled from the race when for some reason, the breatliser stops working and they need to give blood.

7. A few sunday drivers and semis taking up ALL lanes so back up the race occasionally and bring everyone to level playing grounds.

8. More sheelas.......... need I say more.

9. Entry to get in: (You must be this intelligent tests)

10. Screw the champagne give that winner a 'New'.


struggled on the last few

you forgot to add into the mix

11. a bus with a driver who decides to stay at the curve until heavy traffic builds up so he can inconvenience everyone

12. a bogan in a old commodore who thinks he's the bees knees and will inevitably wrap his car around the tree before the end of the race

Astron_Boy wrote:
2. Roads as good as sydney, but not the outskirts, that's to lavish

did u see the new turns 7-8 at bahrain?!

they were so bumpy they were throwing cars off the track!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1RxShfkvMk

and did u see webber deploy the smoke screen at the start?!

typical aussie

still... my team took out p1 and 2 so cant complain

was fkn boring though

Astron_Boy wrote:I reckon F1 needs a plash of 'Australianism'

1. Random 40kph speed zones at 5 min intervals.

2. Roads as good as sydney, but not the outskirts, that's to lavish

3. EPA giving on the spot fines at random to the odd driver for having their exhaust levels exceed the national dB limit.

4. New 'safety cams' in rendom spots, with the last speed limit sign you saw at the begining of the track

5. Some red light cameras to go along with #4.

6. Occasional RBT, with 1 or 2 drivers needing to be pulled from the race when for some reason, the breatliser stops working and they need to give blood.

7. A few sunday drivers and semis taking up ALL lanes so back up the race occasionally and bring everyone to level playing grounds.

8. More sheelas.......... need I say more.

9. Entry to get in: (You must be this intelligent tests)
10. Screw the champagne give that winner a 'New'.


struggled on the last few

Ha ha intellegent tests to get in! So there would be no crowd @ Aus F1 race then

SchumieFan wrote:

Astron_Boy wrote:
2. Roads as good as sydney, but not the outskirts, that's to lavish

did you see the new turns 7-8 at bahrain?!

they were so bumpy they were throwing cars off the track!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1RxShfkvMk

and did you see webber deploy the smoke screen at the start?!

typical aussie

still... my team took out p1 and 2 so cant complain

was fkn boring though

Yeah real boring race Bit dissapointed with with Mclaren thought they would be more competitive but also thought Schu was about where i expected him

13. Can only be played at the most inconvient time eg 1 oclock in the morning, when you start work at 6am and have just finished 24hr shift

14. old man with cane struggling to cross a pedestrian crossing... this must be strategically placed after the tightest corner of the track.

15. official will set a crate of cats, dogs, rabbits and 1 horse on fire. this box will be placed next to the track for safety reasons. as the box sets ablaze, door hatch will be opened.
note: crate faces the main straight

vipfto wrote:

SchumieFan wrote:

Astron_Boy wrote:
2. Roads as good as sydney, but not the outskirts, that's to lavish

did you see the new turns 7-8 at bahrain?!

they were so bumpy they were throwing cars off the track!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1RxShfkvMk

and did you see webber deploy the smoke screen at the start?!

typical aussie



still... my team took out p1 and 2 so cant complain

was fkn boring though

Yeah real boring race Bit dissapointed with with Mclaren thought they would be more competitive but also thought Schu was about where i expected him

yeah same, give him time, he'll be back up the top eventually

Mclaren will hit a hurdle in australia too, testing ban and the FIA have banned their diffuser, so theyll need to build a new one for melbourne thats un(road) tested

clever of them though

BRING BACK REFUELING

I think they have one already tested incase of the current one being banned which they were semi expecting

Erm, what diffuser has been banned? As far as I knew the FIA had deigned the rear wing as legal but I haven't heard of any diffuser problemss

they deemed the diffuser legal for bahrain but were told to change it in time for australia otherwise it would be deemed illegal.

F1 cars dont have onboard starters, they need someone to shove a rod up its arse and crank the motor, so basically what they did is instead of having a round hole (or Anus)in the diffuser to stick the starter (or penis) in, they moulded it to shape the aerodynamics from under the car thereby increasing downforce.

pretty clever acctually... but thus, anything clever in f1 is deemed illegal

how about Arnie at an official afterparty for f1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSc1y-RoJ9o

I see the locals are getting in some practice for next weeks Grand Prix

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World- ... 6048?f=rss

Bill

SchumieFan wrote:instead of having a round hole (or Anus)in the diffuser to stick the starter (or penis) in,

Why Anus?
You're not sleeping in my tent at the bonfire!

i dont care.... my tent will own all of yours... plus ill tell you all how crap you are at cooking... drunk or not...

then ill brag on about my suzy smashing bens fto and eventually pass out... in someone elses tent...


mmmmmmmmmmmmm


hello mummmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyy....... mmmmmmmmmmm